Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
