You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
