you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
