It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
