Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
