glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
