apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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