Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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