Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
