Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
