I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
