my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
