Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize