You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
