I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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