i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I want to fling myself into the sun
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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