Do you still have your period?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
