I hate all girls vehemently.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
