Having a random hookup so left but love u
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
