Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
