Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize