i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
