What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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