WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
