i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
