whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize