so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Pants are for mortals
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
