Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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