Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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