I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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