I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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