grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He felt like a one man threesome
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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