I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
