Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
