Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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