i think i have two assholes
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
