Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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