I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I deserve this hangover.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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