Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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