it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
