Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize