Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize