Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
