And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
