I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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