she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
what day is it and did you see me today?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
