I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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