Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
