the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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