Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
