In the future we'll all be gay
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
