Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
