I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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