why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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