Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize