a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
