She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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