if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
