Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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