Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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