the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
