I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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