Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
