I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
