the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I currently don't understand fingers.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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