Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
