I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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