BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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