We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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