remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
