I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
