Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just want nice things and good sex
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Randomize
