I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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