She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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