I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
