Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My ass is underappreciated
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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