sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Michael Bay diarrhea
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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