shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Pants are for mortals
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
