why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
