yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
