I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
