Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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