4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
