Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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