would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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