i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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