Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
