It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
