Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
