Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
