lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
