Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
