Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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